Picking up the pieces

Who said that managing a relationship is easy? And the worst I think is when the relationship is over and you try to move on with your life. I didn't mention that when I was at the Batu in Jerudong last week, I was actually on my MSN via my phone. My dearest long-distance friend from across South China Sea was online at the same time. I actually called him earlier but there was a communication break-down so I hang up. The line was very bad; could be the location?

So I signed in to my MSN and there he was. He quickly asked how I was, knowing how I really was. I just replied that I was okay and thanked him. Being a concern friend he is, he kept on asking how I was. He gave me words of advise and support. One thing that struck me was when he asked me to move on. Not to remember my ex and not to fret on what my ex does. It doesnt matter now he said. I dont know if I can accept that.

Firstly, its not easy to move on. Easier said that done, right. I am the one who has to carry a heavy heart to move on but I am learning now, just like a child who learns his first walk, one step, two steps and fall down. Thats what I am now. Learning to cope and to move on is never easy especially when you have given 101% of your heart to someone and that someone can just easily break it into a billion pieces. I am actually picking up the pieces now, one by one.

Last night I was looking for what to wear today and what did I find? A bag full of our pictures together when we were officially a couple. We were laughing all the time. I was actually on top of the world. As I glanced through the pictures I couldnt help noticing how his facial expression have also changed throughout the time. In the last picture taken together, he was either looking away or have that serious look in his face or that 'couldnt-care-less' attitude which shows in the pictures. Maybe thats the time when he started to see that someone else. My, was I so clueless. I didnt know that and now its too late isnt it.

Lunchtime now but I dont have the appetite. I will continue to pick up the pieces. I hope I am healing myself through this.