Another weekend?

Geeze, I havent put up a post here for awhile. Work and life fill my days. Next thing we know, here comes the weekend again.

So whats been happening the past days? Same old story with 'X'. I guess thats why I dont have anything to put up here and 'A'? Hmmm... 'A' is sweet as ever. I dont know if I should make the first move. Honestly I am scared that if I suggest to him that we should move our friendship to the next level, he would react differently which could mean that the link is in jeopardy. I dont want that to happen. I do like him so very much and I know he like me too. He has been sending me texts or leave a message on my voice mail every now and then, asking how I am doing and stuff. How sweet.

Last weekend, that Saturday night was great. Awesome. We went for a dinner at a hotel and went cruising in his convertible. While passing through Jerudong, he suggested that we checked the beach out. It was magical. We sat on the huge boulders for about an hour or so until the cold wind stopped us from staying on. I only had my Pashmina on, ontop of a thin layer of silk. When 'A' sent me home, he kissed my cheek and bid me good night. Oh, I think I almost fainted. I didnt wash my face because I wanted to sleep with his kiss. Okay, I washed my face the next morning.

On the other side of my world, 'X' continue to 'harrass' me with his endless attempts to win me back. In one of his notes, he wrote that he really regret on what has happened to us and thought that we could solve our problem. Gee, I guess its way too late for this as I remember for the past year I have been wanting to do just that - talk about us - but he ignored me and said that we didnt have a problem. Now he realise it?

Sometimes I feel sorry for 'X'. I dond know why I feel like this. I think I know him too well now. I know his weaknesses, and of which is girls. I think that girl that my friend and I met must be his favourite because he seem to be always around with that girl. Well, I dont want to think about that girl of 'X' now. I shouldnt. Why should I?

I am still hurt. I still feel the pain but I move on. I have my career and I am trying, and not pretending, to be strong. I must be strong. 'X' has hurt me alot. Its time to put the past behind, learn from it and move on. Easier said than done. Its not that easy but I try.

So 'X', if you are reading this: I am truly sorry. Thank you for the time and moments shared (past tense there). I want to move on with my life, not because I am thinking of 'A' now but more to myself. I want to learn to love myself first before I give my love to someone else. Sorry that someone else is not you.

Have a great weekend.

Yours truly

Azure