Emotional weekend

What a weekend. I thought everything will go as I planned for this weekend. Oh hold on, its still Sunday evening so technically the weekend is not over yet.

Oh well, I am not going to let this evening ruin with unexpected stuff like last night. I have to take control of my own situation. Just switch off my handphone and now listening to my fav songs from my ipod as I type. But I am confused with stuff.

What happened was this. Lets start with the movie night.

A is sweet as I have known him. Well not that I have known him that much as I only met him twice previosuly. He picked me up from home and we drove straight to The Mall. As it was still early, we hang out at Chill but then decided it was too crowded with people. We were only there for half an hour. Then we hang around at Swenson's eacting icecream. He was really sweet as the ice cream that melted in my mouth. He caught me scanning his face and I blushed. He just smiled. He's so sweet. Have I said that already?

It was close to movie time and we made our way to the Cineplex. At times, our hands brushed accidentally or were they really an accident? During movie we were like two worlds apart. We were really concentrating on the movie. Only when it ended we started to connect again. We smiled when it ended. 2012 was a good movie just like its trailer but I dont think I wanted to watch it again. Half-way through I have expected how it ended so it was not a suspense to me. So predictable. I am not going to spoilt it by telling whats the end like as maybe there are those who has not watch it yet and is reading my post now. Maybe I will watch again on a DVD, original of course and not this soon. Lets see whats the next movie I wanted to watch this weekend.

So after the movie, A asked if its okay to drive around. I said, yes. We were cruising with the top down and its so romantic. Hmmm... I wish I am his girl. Funny thing is I was trying to see if there's any spark from my side as I know A like me and I wasn't sure of mine as well. Oh well, I just said to myself to enjoy the moment. We drove around Bandar and then back to Gadong and the then along the highway. We stopped at the airport and A asked if I would like coffee. As he has been very nice I said yes though I am more to tea then coffee. Well, I ordered chamomile anyway and told him I prefer tea than coffee. He smiled. Oh...that smile.

It was almost midnight when he sent me home. When I was about to step out of his car, he held my hand and asked if I wanted to meet up again. I said sure because I like him too. We said our good nights and I waved at him as he drove into the darkness of my street. Oh what a night. I slept well until about 4:30am when I realised my phone was buzzing. Who on earth would call me at that hour?

When I saw my phone's screen I saw 10 missed calls from two numbers and a couple of text messages. Three calls and two texts were from A and the others were from an unknown number. I quickly read A's first. In his text at 2:45am he told me he had a great time. At 3:00am he asked if I was still awake. I was online earlier but didnt realised I have unread texts and I also couldnt recall what time I hit the sack. The rest of the messages were from, ermm.. X! I knew its him because I know his texting style, short SMS lingo which at times irritated me because I am a bit old-fashioned sending texts in proper English or Malay language. I dont know if I should thanked or cursed my English tutor.

One text asked if I was still awake, the next asked if I could meet him and a couple of other messages asking the same question. The last call was from him too. At last, I couldnt stand it anymore I answered his call. Just to shut him up. I know I can just switch off my phone but I didnt. I dont know why.

When I answered, he sounded surprised. Maybe he wasnt expecting me to answer his call. He sounded shaky. I asked what happened and he said he had an accident. I asked where he was and if anyone's with him. He told me along the highway but couldnt tell where. I quickly grab my car key and drove along the highway not sure which part of the highway myself.

When I reached UBD area, I saw his car. It hit the curb and X was sitting by the roadside. I stepped out my car and ran to him. He said his thanks and said he's okay just a bit shaky. I wasnt sure why I drove out from my house at that hour and then saw that he wasnt that badly hit by the accident.

I sat next to him and waited for him. Suddenly he hug me and cried uncontrobaly. I didnt know what to do so I just let him. After awhile, he stopped and said sorry. He told me he has been miserable all this time since we broke up. I was surprised because I thought he was seeing someone or at least have two or three girls at the same time.

He said its true but none can compared to me. I really didnt know what he meant by that because when we were together he always said that I was a lousy lover. I have accepted that long time ago but still he came back to me. I told him he could be confused as well because it was already officially that we have broke up.

He said he has thought the thing over and wanted me to come back to his life. Suddenly I was in rage. I was so angry when he said tha. I shouted at him and said that I am not his plaything that he could pick me up when he wanted and threw me away as he wished. He was taken aback by that as I have never ever shouted at him though he always did that to me. I left him and drove back home. I thought he would call me but he didn't. I knew I have hit it. I hope he has learnt his lesson.

On the way home, I thought of what happened between me and X. I have always love him. We were couple on and off for the past five years. The longest time we broke up was three months and that was the last three months. Yes just recently. He was so happy when we broke off because he would be free to do anything. I knew what he has done behind my back when we were a couple so I wasnt that sad when we parted. I think I still love him no matter what but a different kind of love. Oh...now I am as confused as ever.

When I woke up this morning, I thought what had happened to me in the last 48 hours. I felt like in a rollercoaster. I was so happy with A and the next thing I knew I still have feelings for X. Oh I need some more time. Maybe its too soon to see A.

A sent me a text this morning asking what's my plan for Sunday. I said I have to finish some projects that I have delayed for so long, which is the truth but half of the truth is I am still confused. I dont know why I declined his offer to meet up. He sounded frustrated with my answer. And now here I am still infront of my notebook and not doing that project. I feel guilty.