Chocolates & Lillies

Is it Saturday already? Thank God its Saturday. I am looking forward to meet 'A' tonight. The week passed by quickly, more with the relentless effort and preserverance of 'X'. He surely never give up.

Yesterday at work he sent me chocolates and lillies, my two fav things; with a pink card! My female colleagues went oohs and aahhs with the gifts. The lillies were huge and smell really nice. I have left the lillies to wither and die at the office. And the chocolates? I gave them all to my colleagues. The card? It probably is on its way to the dumpster by now. I am not unappreciative but with our current situation now, I dont think I want to accept anything from 'X'. Not now, not in the future, never.

Let me recall what his card says. He started by calling my pet name which he gave. Okay. Next he started to talk on how miserable he was since I left him; he hasnt shower for days he said (eewww); couldnt care how he look (he always dress to the nines even when he is doing his grocery); he hasnt eaten (not sure about this as he loves food) and has called his office to say he was sick. Thats his fault isnt it. I dont know if I wanted to believe all these.

The second paragraph sound more like an international appeal to feed the hunger. I am not mocking about the world's poverty here but he wrote that I need to feed his hungry love because he is dying, or something like that. I would rather feed hungry children than feed him.

He then signed of with a number of P/Ses... asking me to call him; text him; VC him; IM him; tweet him and other endless notes to contact him. Sorry I didnt. In fact he called me about an hour later. Maybe he tracked the delivery and knew they have arrived at office. I didnt answer, why should I? To say thank you?

He then sent me a text and asked if I like his surprise gifts. I then remember the time when he was courting me; he would send me different flowers each week. After awhile I told him I love lillies the most. He then started to send me bright, big lillies. He's a nice man actually, well, at least the first year we were together. He showered me and surprised me with gifts and flowers and choclates and in return I gave him stuff that he love; watches, sports shoes and perfume.

After the second year, these exchange of gifts became less and less and by the third and fourth year; there was none I remember. I think that maybe we have been together for so long and there's no excitement anymore. The fire died, there's not even a spark. By the fourth year, I realised that he wasnt that lively or happy when we were together and this was when he started to see other girls. I only knew about this the past year.

I counted that within these five years, especially during the last year, we have been on and off for more than ten times. I don't actually expect that our relationship to go up to the next level as we never discuss anything about marriage though we did discuss our future toegther. We even once went house-hunting together looking for houses as far as Tutong. But thats it.

Call me an old-fashion but I expect my man to lead me though there will be times when I lead. 'X' never brought up the topic of marriage though he did once say about his ideal wedding day. Being a perfectionist, he said everything should run smoothly on his big day. Honestly now, I thought that we would one day get married and have children and live happily ever after in our dream castle. But maybe its not our fate to be together. Now I wish 'X' would think this way too that fate has it that we were not meant to be together.

I just received a text from 'A'; asking how I am doing and saying he look forward to tonight. He's a darling. We are not officially a couple yet. I do like him but I feel something else is missing. Should I just ignore this uncomfortable feeling everytime I think of 'A'? My forever bestfriend 'Z' knows about 'A' and I and advised me to be careful.

I think I will let time to tell me. For now, I have to get up and pamper myself with a facial and a massage to look my best for 'A' tonight. Pray for me....