Feeling the pain

I woke up this morning with a text from my friend. It was about 06:05 hours. He has been asking if we both can meet up, even briefly he pleaded. I said I was still in bed, which is not normal for me as I am usually up and about very early like by five in the morning.

These are the texts in the SMS lingo:

Him: Hey good morning sunshine...up already?

Me: Hey, good morning...nope

Him: ?

Me: :(

Him: awww....lets meet up. Wil buy u breakfast, pls

Me: :) Thanks

Him: Dats b8r. Where do u 1 2 meet?

Me: Dunno. Not feeling well actually.

Him: Have u taken any medications?

Me: Nope. L8r...will buy from any shop. Do u think they sell tablets for heartache?

Him: Yes, many n everywhere...Try Panadol Xtra. Works well 4 me

Me: uh...mmm...not 4 headache dear...4 heartache

Him: Oh...hehe...try eating d seed of d durian!

Me: Oh ok...will do. Yes, durians have thorns n I can hurt myself, again n again n again (refering to my heartaches)

Him: awww.... i was joking

Me: hehe...i know...feel b8r...thanks 2 u...

Him: Okay...so can we meet up, pls...

I can still feel the pain, the heartache, the dissapointment, anger, everything into the melting pot. I have the right to be angry because I am the cheated party. The fool. The stupid one. The signs were there but I was to blind to see. Love? Yes, that stupid thing call love.

A year ago I have already had the instinct that he was cheating on me but I ignored them. He was on night shift and everytime I called him to say my goodnight, his phone would either be busy or unreachable. He always told me he was on duty so have to switch it off or his friends was using it to call the wife, the girlfriend or whatever reasons that I believe in all.

I should have followed my instinct then. Didnt Oprah says the same, to follow your instinct. I should watchmore of her shows. There was also once when I went straight to surprise him when he was on duty. I could see from a distance that he looked so happy while reading from his handphone. When I came nearer and said my greetings, he froze for a moment and that smile was gone and was replaced with a shocked look.

I asked, 'What were you so happy about earlier dear?'. He just said that his friendjust sent him a joke. I asked to show me and he said he would just tell me which he did and I laughed and thats it. The next day, my instinct asked me to check his phone for the joke because it must be really hilarious that made him smiled from ear to ear the night before.

None, there was no text on a joke. Nothing. All there were from me, his mom, his boss and his friends. I hope they are his male friends because the names were all male's names. God, I wish I knew but isnt this too late for that now?

Now? I am still feeling the pain. I was sitting in front of God earlier doing my prayer and I cried. I have chest pains. I almost choked. I could still feel the pain.