I'm done

I was listening to PSD's "I'm done" late yesterday on my iPod when memories started to flash right before my eyes. Luckily I was in bed and not driving. I dedicated that song to 'X' the moment I realised I was in love with him, many years ago. Oh yes, I do still think of 'X' every now and then, not that I have a feeling for him, just memories of him, of us, our time together. I am only human.

Reminiscing my days (and nights) with 'X'; I would say that we both did have great and bad moments together, more downs than ups I think. The fights, the arguments and the tears filled our moments. Maybe we both have our own self-ego and are stubborn. Most of the reasons were his lies. 'X' is not a good liar. Sometimes he just made-up stories that didn't make sense to my ears. Sometimes, he told me a story-line only to tell me another version the next time the same subject was brought up.

Last year he was on a business trip to KL which took him to the New Year. Yes, he spent his New Year without me. He's so cruel. He said he was going alone. Thats fine with me. Alone or with his colleagues, it didn't matter that much to me as long as he was telling me the truth. On the third evening he was in KL, he sent me pictures of him at a club through MMS. One thing that I notcied when I was looking at the pictures was there's an image of this girl which appeared in almost all of those pictures he sent to me.

The girl was either behind him, at a distance, next to him or in front of him. When I asked him who the girl was, he said, she's a hostess or waitress. Fine. When I picked him up at the airport upon his arrival home, I saw the same girl, a couple of passengers away from him with a huge luggage in tag. I had a good look at the girl and the girl looked uncomforatble, avoiding my stare. 'X' and I left the airport in 'our' car.

In the car, I told 'X' that the girl at the airport look the same as the 'waitress' in the pictures he sent me. He froze. Suddenly, he wept like a baby and told me, unshamelessly and in between sobs that he has been seeing that girl for the past couple of months. I was driving at that time and we were somewhere along the highway. When I heard his confessions, I applied the brake and asked him to step out of the car.

At first he thought I was joking and I shook my head. I was already in tears. I was beyond words. I kept on asking him to get out of the car. He did at last and I left him with his luggage still inside the car. I went home, switched off my phone and cried my eyes out. I remember I had my instinct telling me that he was seeing someone else and it was true. How devastating, well, at that time. Now, I just remember that awful night and hope it will fade to black one day.

So whats hapening with 'X' now? His pleas and appeals are getting less and less now and he didn't know I am on leave. I hope he didn't check on my office place. Maybe he's gone tired and I bet he will surely give up come New Year. I am so done with him.